When your child dies

23 Feb

A horrible moment in a life of a parent, is the day your child dies and you as a parent have outlived your own child. That in itself feels like an unhealthy and unnatural thing to happen, apart from the fact that statistically a parent should die before their children do. Miscarriages,abortions or SIDS are devastating traumatic events in an adult life, though when our child lives longer than the infant age and gets sick from an accepted incurable disease like leukemia, the impact is even bigger. We as a parent have already established relationships with the child through a long history of memories/feelings/emotions and it is hard for us humans to let go of these energetic connections and roles that we played in our child’s life.

The first moment our child gets diagnosed with an incurable disease, such as leukemia, we as a parent and the child enroll ourselves in the roller coaster of the pharmaceutical industry and the hospital sector. It feels like we have to make a lot of choices to postpone the death of our child, but in fact we do not have any choice when we follow the advise of a regular doctor within our current system. The road is already paved before us, as the outcome, of the treatment that will be given onto our child. We feel as if we loose grip on our situation, we want to direct our situation in the best interest of our child and at the same time we want to be comforted and listening to a doctor that tells us in self-honesty that he’s treating our child in the best interest of our child. However deep down inside we know that whenever we give up our own directive principle from a starting point of self-interest and place it in the hands of a doctor that acts from a starting point of self-interest, the best possible outcome will not result from this equation.

Many of us are too afraid and pushed by medicine, to make quick choices in order to prolong the child’s life, instead of searching for other cures in other directions than conventional medicine. There are diets that could prolong the child’s life without having all the nasty side effects of medication. Also the doctor Burzynski Antineoplastons treatment has proven to be far more life saving with no side effects than any other conventional “cure”. Going into the alternative circuits is a challenging choice since we need to know upfront about the disease and the body in order to be able in common sense to distinguish between where we’re promised a pot of gold and where we meet reality. Most of the time we believe, pushed by our doctor, that we do not have any time to breathe and slow down and make that choice that is in the best interest of all. Our doctor is impatient and fears to loose his bonus on our child’s treatment and we fear to loose our child.

Our fear of death is not something to joke about, our fear of death is intertwined within our total beingness, yet most of the time not accepted and recognized by us for what it is. When our child is about to die, we fear for that part of us that will die with the child. We no longer will be the parent of our child. We loose a personality and we can’t bear it since it feels like we’re dying with the child. The question is: are we? Even after a great loss like this, we still breathe and are still here on this earth, the task we face is to let go this personality of being the mom or dad of our child. A point that mostly is not considered and hold on to through pictures, memories and physical possessions of our child. As long as we do not understand that mourning about a diseased one is mourning about the lost of a personality, a part of our ego that won’t give up easily, we will not be able to move on. So in fact we fear to loose ourselves as a self-interested act and this fear is unrelated to the death of our child.

We’ve got so many things figured out on this planet, or at least we think we have, but a simple thing as understanding death is a mystery and covered with beliefs. Lets take it back to the point where we have chosen a certain treatment for/with our child and the child will not make it and reaches it’s terminal stage. How do we then communicate with our child when it asks us what will happen once I die. We fear death ourselves yet we want to comfort our child. What do we tell our child? Do we repeat what our parents told us? Do we talk about a God or do we talk about angels? When our child is dying it does not want your fantasies about reality? It doesn’t want your fear driven answers, because the child knows that something is off? The child will only fear death even more when we tell them fairy tale stories that are obvious not in relation to reality. Can we live with the fact that we lied to our dying child in order to feel good and to suppress our own fears for death?

There is so much that we still have to educate ourselves on and Life is one of the most important challenges we have to unravel in order to be that parent that can survive their child within Self-honesty. Whenever we do not face ourselves within our own fears we will not be able to be a living example for our children. We have to ask ourselves what our purpose is here on earth, we do not evolve, but simply clone ourselves into more humans that will not evolve. It takes one breath to decide that we want to make that change and break the spell of our DNA.

There is information out on the internet to educate ourselves. Information specifically about Life one can find at Desteni Universe, where amongst other information, the portal provides humanity with vital information to get a grip on our life’s and Life in general. A free downloadable mp3 file explains about a 7 year old who passed away after suffering  from leukemia. This audio file explains us in detail how life after death was and is. The fears of a child for death instigated by the fears of the parents through telling make believe stories about heaven. A very interesting audio file from the portal that will answer a lot of our questions about death and life after death. For those who dare to lift up the veil of fear this audio file is a must hear and a nice start into a process of facing oneself.


Posted by on February 23, 2012 in Uncategorized


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7 responses to “When your child dies

  1. honestparent

    February 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Thanks Sylvia. And you brought up a cool point: How do we then communicate with our child when it asks us what will happen once I die. — When we were looking at having our older dog ‘put down’ I was not sure how to explain where the dog was going to my 4-year old son. I got on the Desteni Forum and got support and it was suggested that I tell my son, simply, the dog is gone. This worked great in combination with Self-Forgiveness. There was no resistance from my son. In fact, the resistance came from older family members that wished to create a ‘heavenly afterlife existence’ for the dog.

    • Sylvia

      February 23, 2012 at 2:24 pm

      Within your example we can see that just seeing and naming what is here is the best option for all involved. Making it special and keeping the energy alive within ones own bubble, is not facing reality. Thanks Carrie for sharing your experience.

  2. Anna Brix Thomsen

    February 23, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    Awesome blog here and cool comments guys!

  3. ingridbloemheuvel

    February 25, 2012 at 9:31 am

    My question to myself is: am I willing to tell parents that just lost their child and clinging to the idea that their child is now in heaven, to ease some of the immense pain they are experiencing – that such scenario is false?

    In the past I’ve been in this situation twice with people very close to me – before meeting Desteni – and I let them have their ‘bubble’. How would I act now?

    • Sylvia

      February 25, 2012 at 9:49 am

      There is no need in my perspective to tell parents that their beliefs are false/incorrect, we all have to walk our path and find our answers. It’s another scenario when such a parent would ask for your perspective or for that matter experience, then you can share yourself with them, equal and one to them, meaning taking in consideration their allocation within their process.

      The words I wrote here in my blog are pretty confronting for a parent who lost its child, but a parent that is searching for answers is also open to the perspectives of others to come to an understanding within the situation they’re in. For them survival or coping with the new situation is their first goal, once they’re out of this mind “possession” they’re able to hear again.

      So yes Ingrid, I would let them be, as long as they are not abusing in any way, and let them come to their senses. Once we see that life does go on after the death of a child, we’re able to realize that we’re responsible for our own life’s and directing/abdicating directing our own life is not related to the lost of a dear one.

  4. ingridbloemheuvel

    February 25, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Thanks Sylvia. I was indeed referring to situations where they ask my perspective on death and afterlife. I will not back up their belief by confirming it, but I will also not interfere to the extent I will make their ‘burden’ even heavier to carry.

    Lately I find myself confronted with our mortality more than ever – with some of my friends in their sixties. With the average lifespan of 72 it is very likely in the years to come some of us will die. Now most of them do not want to discuss death. This reflects very clear my own fear of death and death coming closer. I’ve seen in the past how people can struggle on their deathbeds, fight death – postponing facing their fear ’till the physical end is actually here.
    What will I tell my friend that refused to face and is now eye to eye with death? Most certainly not the heaven and light and love stuff 🙂

    lol yes, I am struggling with facing death 🙂 I will write my blog on this in due time.

    • Sylvia

      February 25, 2012 at 10:28 am

      Cool Ingrid!


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